Legacy Lost: Healing Abortion’s Heartache in Grandparents
“I feel like I’m in a grief pit with no way out and no one to talk to,” the grandparent of an aborted child painfully shared. “I don’t even have a right to say I’m a grandmother.”
Abortion impacts every life it touches. The silent fingers of abortion pain reach into many lives and across all generational lines. Unspoken grief can encircle a family for years without abortion even being mentioned.
The pain a grandparent of an aborted child can endure is like that of the mother or father. Sadly, many do not realize that they have a need to grieve this loss, even if the baby’s parents may not be able to do the same.
To help grandparents struggling with the heartache of losing a family member through abortion, Ramah International is pleased to announce the very first Bible study to help heal this specific sorrow, Legacy Lost: Healing Abortion’s Heartache in Grandparents.
Every chapter in Legacy Lost offers God’s hope, informative content and activities designed to produce Godly enlightenment and healing. Legacy Lost includes a heartfelt testimony by Ramah International board member, Karen Fifer. Despite not being involved in her daughter’s abortion decision, Karen writes in this excerpt:
I still had sin in this abortion. My sin was how I handled my pain and anger. I did everything I coached other parents with pregnant children not to do. I had to deal with my sin of unforgiveness. The passage from I Peter 3:18 hit my heart with conviction – For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, in order that he might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the Spirit.
When I share my abortion story publicly, grandparents often come forward to speak to me afterwards. Their first question typically focuses on how they can help their child find the healing God gave to my life.
Unhealthy emotions can be difficult for a grieving grandparent to process or even acknowledge. They rarely consider that they need God’s help and restoration as much as the post-abortive individual. Legacy Lost is designed to meet that need specifically to help God’s healing prosper in their hearts.
I usually respond to them with comfort, saying, “You have my deepest condolences on the loss of your grandchild. How are you doing?”
God can use me to comfort them and answer their questions. They usually get a copy my book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion, to give to their daughter with the instruction to read it first. Legacy Lost can now help them address their own specific pain.
The impact of abortion pain typically depends on the individual’s involvement in this choice. Grandparents fall into two groups – those who participated in the abortion decision and those that did not. The fallout afterwards can be quite different for those who forced such a choice versus those who had no idea an abortion even occurred until afterwards.
Regardless of their involvement – or lack thereof – once abortion’s impact has become a reality in a life, it can cause trauma. If the individual is not the parent of the aborted child, then they are enduring secondary Abortion PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
It is heartbreaking for parents to discover their child’s abortion years after the fact, realizing they did not turn to them in time of need. It is difficult to gather the courage to even bring up the abortion topic with their child, so these grandparents often have little information on what happened.
Grandparents who encouraged an abortion can feel pain immediately, experiencing similar trauma to the person who aborted due to their tangible involvement. Guilt often results for taking the choice away from their children and observing the resulting trauma. Understandably, many grandparents can endure significant grief with no way to process it.
Legacy Lost provides instruction to offset this pain regardless of involvement in the decision by offering a step-by-step process to discover God’s healing. Chapter topics include the emotions of grief as well as answering questions of the heart and God’s steps to restoration and peace.
Legacy Lost reviews the symptoms of abortion pain. This information can bring enlightenment about how this abortion has impacted their lives personally. This deeper understanding can then be used to help them understand their daughter/son’s behavior.
Other featured topics like denial, anger, bitterness help unlock emotions grandparents may have towards their daughter/son for choosing abortion. Those elements roll into God’s grace, mercy and forgiveness, providing understanding and clarity about His love for us.
Confronting the questions of heaven and where this grandchild exists today can ignite deeper healing and peace. Answers to common questions are also featured in Legacy Lost. These include:
- Where is this child now?
- Will we know these children in Heaven?
- What is heaven like?
Abortion is often a family practice, chosen repeatedly over multiple generations. Should a post-abortive grandparent believe abortion was good for their life and are unrepentant to God, they can even unknowingly push their own children into an abortion clinic.
Another painful family reality is that once the procedure is over, the abortion is typically never mentioned again. The inability to discuss this abortion may continue to cause a breech in the parent/child relationship.
When an adolescent has been pressured to abort by their parents, the typical feelings are betrayal, anger, and depression. There is also sadness from the breakdown of trust and intimacy in the parental relationship.
If the abortion occurred to save the reputation of parents – or to avoid a painful and/or daunting parental confrontation – the abortion secret becomes a greater necessity. If this is the case, their abortion may result in a deeper family dysfunction.
Thankfully, God can stop this generational impact. When someone discovers God’s healing, and shares their story of healing with other family members, they can be used by God to prevent repeat abortions from occurring.
One thing is sure – most parents love their daughter/son very much. They wanted the best for their child then and now. They may have made some mistakes along the way, but all parents do at some level. They can also lead the way for their children in embracing God’s healing and finding His peace after abortion.
Legacy Lost can help a parent find their own healing after abortion, understand their child’s reaction, and begin to restore trust and bring family restoration. A simple, “Help me, God” prayer brings His loving and forgiving Holy Spirit into our hearts which starts the healing of this brokenness.
If you are a grandparent of an aborted child, be sure to get a copy of Legacy Lost to help ignite God’s restoration of your family. The post-abortive people involved in this abortion experience may be in a vastly different place right now. Allow God to work in you first. Trust Him with these loved ones.
To order your copy of Legacy Lost: Healing Abortion’s Heartache in Grandparents, visit https://herchoicetoheal.com/abortion-recovery-resources/healing-abortions-heartache-in-grandparents/
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Abortion impacts hearts at an emotional, spiritual, psychological and physical level. Her Choice to Heal’s free online abortion recovery course offers nine detailed modules that provide understanding of abortion’s impact. These specific healing strategies can begin the healing process.
Hello, I am Sydna Massé Founder and CEO of Ramah International and the author of Her Choice to Heal. I'd love to keep in touch and include you in our prayer chain as we continue to serve abortion's wounded and those considering abortion.
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